Life 2.5

Throwback to March 19, 2010, via Facebook:

I pushed the red button. It sort of formatted my whole life. Now re-installation in progress, upgrading from Life v.1.0 to the new and enhanced Life v.2.0. Hopefully it is a bit more bug-free software. Wonder how modifyable it is, since there are quite a few const-type fields with set values. Nah, so far so good, the software seems to have quite a lot of possibilities. Been tapping all them radiobuttons during the installation wizard but still I feel that a lot is left to be modified later on along the way.

I installed Life v.1.0 quite a few years ago. It was good, can’t say it wasn’t. I made my choices while installing and they sort of set the path and the direction. Sometimes I felt like a passenger in my own life, drifting along the river drawn by my earlier choices. I was basically happy, though sometimes longing for somtehing I just couldn’t make happen, but for most of the time, very contented with my life.

Up until the river became murky and muddy. And my Life software began to corrupt and crumble from all the bugs in it. For a time there I tried to patch it, run service packs and install accessories. My harddrive became full and I needed more RAM – but it seemed to be out of stock for couldn’t get any. My Life became more or less dysfunctional since it could process only a limited amount of operations and kept crashing with certain ones.

It was time to reboot. And not only reboot to the old Life v.1.0 with all them bugs, for it didn’t fix any of the problems. I tried that too, but operation failed over time. Just like after any reboot, things seem to work fine for a time but then eventually after running buggy operation after another, all the old problems return and the system starts to fail and crash all over again.

So came the time to press the red format button and re-install and upgarde. The installation is still in progress, but one by one the configurations fall into place and Life v.2.0 will be up and running. Hardware is the same old, so some memory problems probably occur still. And the installation in itself does use up quite a lot of the available RAM so it really goes one configuration step at a time. It’s a slowish process when you look at it on a daily view, but as for the big picture, not so slow actually.

Sometimes this whole upgrading business feels like speeding head on to the unknown on the highway of life. Even though I can and need to make choices every step of the way, I can’t really know what each different configuration choice does and means in the fully installed Life v.2.0. But I believe in my future and cherish the good in the past. I’m not formatting my Life database, ofcourse not! Life v.2.0 needs it to build the basics of the system.

Leave it to a nerd to describe major life changes like divorce, new relationship, new home, new job… with an IT analogy.

In recent months my life has again been in a sort of a turmoil with winds of change blowing and often times I’ve been engulfed in a fog, not able to see the way. All of it is just part of the process of a life upgrade again, to Life 2.5. I’m not changing jobs or getting divorced or anything like that, but there’s new features to install.

One of the major changes was last of the kids moving out. In the beginning of September last year, we became empty nesters (with three dogs). This in itself forced new dynamics upon us. I admit that I like it this way. We are all a bit broken and fare better with our own spaces.

Some of the stuff that’s been going on is of such a personal nature, that I will leave it out. It has, however, had great impact on our lives and even though a lot of it is for the better, even that is a stress and causes anxiety and the need to adjust and learn new ways. Especially mixed with the stuff that wasn’t exactly positive. A lot of things, a lot of emotions. When it rains it pours.

The upgrade process is a lot of recalculation of old features, installation of new features, cofiguration of it all, and making choices of what to keep, what to remove, what to install, what to leave out. Sometimes anxiety takes over bigtime, when I feel I need to be making all these decisions right now. Like playing chess with life, trying to guess its moves five steps ahead in order to make my own move. It’s a little bit easier, if I remember to take it one step at a time and see where that takes me before panicking about the steps that are still days, weeks, months away.

Finding myself and especially updgrading my life, means more tattoos (and piercings) for me. This process so far has already resulted in three new tattoos: two orchids on my back and a bracelet on my right arm. My tattoos are all heavily symbolic, some more easily deciphered, some less. These orchids hold a promise of blooming, a memory and a hope. The armlet’s dreamcatcher hold a dream caught – one of the new features in my Life v.2.5.

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