To find something positive instead of whining, the sun is out. Has been lately, except for that storm and some snowfall yesterday too. But even yesterday the sun came out before going down. This morning I woke up to see snowflakes nonchalantly fluttering around again, giving the trees yet another frosting, and the merciless thermometer announced a cruel -12 degrees Celsius. By the time my bus had reached Hakaniemi, the outskirts of the city center, sun was shining through a crack in the clouds, making my mood brighter immediately.
I was almost going to write how at this time of the year, my mind is oocupied by the weather. But while that is true, it’s not the whole truth. My mind is occupied by the weather all year round. Mostly because up here north, it most of the time is not to my liking, making me dream of something else. Dream of warm and sun. Going through life being unhappy about the surrounding weather is hardly my goal in life, or the way I intend to live, but to be happy about it – frankly, I live in the wrong climate. Cold and dark affects my moods in a deeper way than being decidedly unhappy. They depress me.
At this point of the year, it is at its worst. Finns know the consept of “kaamosmasennus”, roughly translated to polar night depression since even the word “kaamos” (allday darkness) does not even exist in English. Finns also know about “kevätväsymys”, spring fatique, that in used to puzzle me (because spring makes me feel alive again) until I realized that 1) I had a different definition for spring than the calendar and 2) it takes time (maybe the longer the older I get) for the winter-drained batteries to collect the sunlight energy into the system again.
So while I start to wilt by mid-Novermber, my mental fatigue is actually worst right here, right now, in “spring” (my definition of true spring would be when the birches get their leaves) when the sun is starting to shine again and the world is seemingly a brighter palce again. Especially if the winter still drags on, despite the sun. Snow keeps coming in instead of melting away and the temperature dips below zero, takes dives to fierce freezing levels (ah, the English language does not know the word “pakkanen” either, the below zero freezing weather) instead of climbing up to defrost the world.
It’s snowing again. It puts me down. Where did the sun go? I want summer! I know it won’t help much to stomp my feet and through a fit. But I feel like doing it anyway. Or crawling back under my blanket and getting up when it’s +30 degrees – which would probably mean several years of huddling in my bed, since many summers the quicksilver never climbs that “high”.
Have I complained enough? More than, I guess. Aside from the sun, all’s well under my (cloud-covered) sun. We Finns say “siitä puhe mistä puute”, roughly “you talk about the things you don’t have”. Sun sweet sun! Sun is essential to life and by all standards, this country gets too little of it. I am sun-deprived.