Been running wild. Searching for myself. Looking for my life. Not knowing what it was I wanted. Trying to find something, but not knowing what it was.
Finally caught up with myself. Finally got in touch with my feelings. Finally knew what it was I’d been trying to find.
What I found totally took me under. I found the reasons. I found what I’d been running at. And along came the realization, that it was the exact thing I didn’t need. I found it, but couldn’t keep it. No. Need to bleed it out, diggin’ deeper just to throw it away.
And I am bleeding it out. Crying my heart and soul out.
I’ve stopped running. Now I’m crawling thru hell. Never been in such a place. Never gone thru anything like this.
But,
You’ve got to get yourself together
You’ve got stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it
Don’t say that later will be better
Now you’re stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it
You’ve got stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it
Don’t say that later will be better
Now you’re stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it
Easier said than done. But that is exactly where I’m headed. Out of it. I will rise above this, mend myself before it gets me. Might be that time heals nothing, but God does. And yes, it will take time before I smile or laugh again. But I will. I. Will.
I don’t know what the outcome will be. What I will be like after I come over. I’m in shreds at the moment. But was it my wise little sister (I think?) who told me that sometimes you need to be broken into pieces for the sake of being built again, better than before. I hope.
Thank you all my friends for your support, for being there for me. I wouldn’t survive without you beside me.
[Yes, I live through music, especially at hard times. So the italicised quotes are, in order:
Linkin Park: Bleed it out
Linkin Park: Bleed it out
U2: Stuck in a moment
Seether: Rise above this
Danko Jones: Time heals nothing
And for those who don’t know the story behind, your guesses might be right or wrong, either way. Sorry I can’t go into details.]
System Failure for the Masses 
On aina lohduttavaa tietää että muutkin on pahasti jumissa ja solmussa – vaikka päälle päin kaikki olisikin hyvin 🙂
Tekisi mieli melkeen avata toinen "nimetön" blogi, niin voisi avautua kunnolla… kun kaikkea ei tod voi ulos suustaan tai näppäimistöstään omalla nimellä päästää. Mutta onneks mulla on muutama ystävä jolle uskallan puhua syvimmistä tunteista, eikä tarvitse pelätä että kukaan käsittää väärin tai loukkaa mielensä. Muut ihmiset saakin sitten vain arvailla mistä puristaa.
Hassua, että samalla kun toivon että tunnekuohut ei olisi näin rajuja – niin kuitenkin samalla toivon että voikun tuntisi vielä syvemmin tai kovemmin. Kyllä nainen on outo eläin. Omistaisimpa putkiaivot ja pallit 😉
"don’t say that later will be better…" nii-i. Tohon mä sorrun aivan liian usein. Ja vuodet kuluu…