Sometimes I just feel like I’m in way over my head. I mean, I should know things no one has taught me. I should know things just because I know some other stuff. I should learn things I barely understand. I’m very much on the edge of my understanding.

 

I’m trying to learn, though. I scan the net for articles. I read the articles. I’m waiting for the real thing, the proper software versions, to be available for me, to play with them. I think I need a lab though. I think I can’t even begin to explore the possibilities I need to explore on my own laptop, in the real environment.

 

I do have the beta on my virtual machine. But it needs too much memory. Just like my head is lacking the needed ram, my laptop is still lacking ram. I can’t even start the vm up anymore! I’m sort of stuck. And then people expect me to know all kinds of things. Yeah, I can say we’re over my head, but my boss says, learn. Because it’s my job to learn.

 

But there’s so much! It’s so complicated and so huge! I can’t contemplate it all! My poor brain can’t get a grip of the whole of it and then I’m totally overwhelmed. And my eyes are like saucers and I don’t even know where to begin. And then I get paralyzed. I don’t know what to do. It’s all too much and so I surf away. I avert. And hope to die 😉

 

No, not really 😀 But I have this irrational thought that if I just ignore it long enough, it will go away. Of course it won’t, mind you, so the closer the time comes, the deeper I am in poo. If I don’t get a grip. I need to get a grip.

 

But I teach users!!! I teach users! And this is going way beyond that. To teaching developers. I don’t know enough about all the technology and the server stuff and asp.net and all such. I feel incapable. And yet, it’s what I’m expected to do now. To learn. To do.

 

Maybe I’ll be more okay on thursday when I get to fool around with the software. But right now, I’m overwhelmed to the point of being paralyzed.